Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry!

I spent a lot of time and effort this evening, taking pictures and videos, as I walked along the river.

I did as I usually do upon arrival at home, which is to download my camera into the computer.

Usually, everything goes fine.

Well, 'Usually' was not there tonight, it took a hike, and all my photos and videos with it. And what makes me angry, is that I had a few videos of a snail I almost stepped on. At first, I expected the usual dry empty shell, but it was not the case tonight.

I gently took it and it came easily off of the little broken branch from one of the Weeping Willows close-by. It had almost totally retreated inside its shell when I picked it up, but it soon came back out to investigate.

Its anteneas were wiggling around, its body slowly coming out was slightly tickling my fingers. I had a silly grin on my face for sure when I saw it up close and decided to give it its moment of glory in its own movie.

I had it so perfectly clear and the colours were true to Mother Nature's colour palette for this yellow-to-green coiled shell, its body the usual brown to grey gradient fumed tones... It really wasn't shy at all, even bashfull I'd say... quite taken with each other we were and all the while, my camera filming this close encounter of the 'special' kind...

Two men of a certain age passing by stopped to check what this lady was holding in her hand and filming with the other. They were quite taken with it as well and were happy it was not the usual empty shell I'd found. One of them came close and chatted me up and I forgot the camera.

But eventually I did remember I was filming, so got back to doing just that as the men walked away, wanting to be home before the sun set complety. The later being a total flop tonight though, for the day was full of clouds and even one thunder storm (never saw the bolts here, it was hitting more to the West, and we did not get that much rain either), but the evening sky was practically cloudless.

I caught.. no, HAD caught some pinkish and bluish hues over the electric damn, but that was about it for clouds today. I only had a few of the ones before the rain that had lots of contrasts, but it soon became a overall blending of a cloudy roof above us, nothing special.

I also had finally managed to take a few good photos of trees and river in this after sunset lighting, that my camera tends to let the shutter open too long for, resulting in over bright colours and not quite natural hues, and of course, most of the time, movement was captured as well.. but, at times it makes for very interesting images...

Anyway, all that is gone... apparently, my copying went a-wire and since I delete files in the camera after download, .... zip, nada, rien du tout, all erase on the camera is all erase and non retrievable.. well, so they say and so think I, clueless human that I am.

Hackers would get something out of it no? Yes?

So, no little video of my little friend to post, so I don't feel like posting any image at all. I am so frustrated. It was the only positive time of my day and then this.

I should not be reacting so bad to this, for this is the norm in my life. For every up, there are downs, and they tend to befall on me faster than the ups can crawl up into my life.

Usually (darn I use that word too much... ), bad stuff happens more around the new and full moon. Don't get me wrong, I love that Moon, showing or not, but my love is unrequited. I simply am of the analytical type that constantly takes-in data and plays with it in the background, that is too much in the foreground for a clear head.. but I never boasted a clear head, so pffft... anyway, I noticed how it affected me a bit more than a decade ago.

It can get so bad that I will shun all interactions, even with family, and if I could, with myself as well. Darn would it be good to be thoughtless at times. I never have any peace.

Bah, I am really back in the dumps, where I was before I went to walk along the river to perk myself up some. Well, that's not the case anymore, so I will have to find something else, because short of self-upper-cutting myself K.O. I don't see how I can go to sleep now, even if exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally.

Restless legs and fibro have not helped any in harnessing some good zzzzzzzzzz this week and when I get RLS, I feel them coming, those tickling nerves from the spine to the end of the 'member'... For I don't get them only in the legs, I get them in the arms, and pretty much anywhere really... So, to the end of the nerves and adjoining muscles, even had some in the back and let me tell you, when the spasm comes, you better hold-onto your head to avoid hurting your neck. Same goes when it hits in the knew as you are walking up some stairs... Darn lucky there were only two steps the time it did that and my knee suddenly bent/buckled and I almost entered the workshop head first at floor level...

I hate them. Had them from my teens, along with the menopausal type of sweats... seems that falling on your back and injuring my spine changed a lot of things in my system, hormones seems to have taken the brunt of it along with my L4-L5 vertebraes... too bad it did not lower the libido! Sigh... (why can't I write vertebraes with that 's'? well, I claim creative writer's license to spell it the way I like it, just as I'd write a word in U.K. English if I prefer the look of it that way, a midst American or Canadian English. And if I want to write in Franglais, or Franglaispañol, I will.

So, where in the meanders of my mind were we? Oh yeah, at 14, I started having sweaty feet, the 'sweats' (like a furnace going off full blast from the inside out and if in winter, I'd be on the balcony in my undies if one hit me as bad as they did in my teens. I also became sensitive to cold and developed a type of shiver that fibro extrapolated... is that the right word for what I mean?..... nah, you can't know, so don't think, let me think..... no.. don't think so... it takes them to another level, or should I say depth? For that is what they do, them shivers drill through my skin and flesh down to my bones and can stay there for a long time.

Go ahead, take a guess at how long such a shiver can stay at its paroxysm in little old me? Wanna take bets too?..... I am not telling you.. na nana na na nana.. okay, one hint; more than a minute. :-P

Off me goes, for I am tired of myself... can't seem to decide if I'm Chantal, Chatou or Chatty... maybe I'm all three equally...... no, that would mean more balanced, not more confused and confusing. Don't be scared, I do not suffer from a multiple personality disorder, but from having those three sides of my personality pretty much equally in control of the foreground of my mind. Triplets they'd be. All babblers too. The rest of 'me' is all there too, but more like the tapistry flowers, and forever checking-up on me, myself and I and they can take turns on the soap box at very inopportune moments and distract the heck out of me.

Try being attentive and well focused in a theater with an 'all around/surround' video screen, showing dozens and dozens of videos of my life, from cognitive memory input to very old memory rewinding continuously, adjusting their versions to include AND fit the new data my mind keeps on reaping off of everything I see, hear, feel, touch... you know the drill...

ok, when alliteration takes over, time for me to stop 'implying' and finish wiggling out of here.

Did I take leave of absence this time? Well, maybe I did, but the others....

*wiggles out without so much as a by-your-leave*

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